Wilber Wobbley (Verses 1 to 10)
1.1 In the beginning there was JIBBLE! And JIBBLE created the known WERBOSPHERE in less than 17 seconds, for he/she/it was really damned clever.
Forty-seven minutes later JIBBLE had a cup of tea and he/she/it said, verily this maketh me mighty refreshed. And so the first law of JIBBLE was created and the occupants of nearby solar systems did feast on small rodents in celebration, JIBBLE was pleased that the rodents were consumed for they had nasty gnashing teeth and were not part of the overall plan…
1.2 JIBBLE looked out across the vastness of the WERBOSPHERE and thought long and hard, then in a tremendous tremulous voice spaketh the first of many unintelligble utterings…
“HARKEN YE OF INDIGO HUE FOR THINE IS THE HERITAGE OF SHADOW-BOXING.”
And the Indigo-hued peoples did rejoice for they had already purchased a nice gymnasium in the hopes that JIBBLE would bestow upon them a particularly violent past-time.
JIBBLE then seeing how wonderous his/her/its works were, set upon the lands tall deciduous mangrove bushes and summoned forth lavabread for the Okapi’s.
1.3 Suddenly there cameth a voice of dissent from one of JIBBLES creations and it did sayeth…
“Why are there bones of things older than existence of the WERBOSPHERE? Are you pulling our many legs Oh JIBBLE?”
And JIBBLE did smile an immaculate smile and wrenched the heads from the babies of all the doubters before answering thusly…
“I put them there to tease you into thinking I was fallible and you fell right into my trap, now and forevermore (or until the next tea-time) you shall have headless babies and forget how to use forks and ice-cream scoops!”
Yay the peoples of the WERBOSPHERE didst rejoice in this magnificent blessing.
1.4 Furthermore Quarks and Sponges didst organise spontaneous tangerine parties and the likeness of JIBBLE did come unto his children (for he was a good JIBBLE really) and he sayeth once more…
“I shall send you a small oval likeness of mine immaculate image and you shall cherish it and raise it as your own, then once it has grown to its fullest it shall invoke the mantra of lupin and the peoples shall shove lupins up there own arses as a sign of worship.”
And the peoples of the WERBOSPHERE didst once again rejoice.
(Also the peoples of nearby WERBOSPHERES didst rejoice in the fact that they had a much better supreme deity who wasn’t anywhere near as kinky).
1.5 And the peoples didst name the son/daughter/offspring creature CLYDE.
And CLYDE didst grow wisely and handsomely and developed a fondness for boiling anchovies in yaks blood which didst please many but upset a few yak herders, CLYDE rolled joints for his brethren and they didst get verily stoned for it was said that stoning was not a bad thing to do.
1.6 After many millennia had passed the peoples of the WERBOSPHERE didst developed an interest in stocks and shares, money-laundering and fast cars at the behest of CLYDE, for CLYDE was fast with his mouth, lackadaisical with his trousers and downright ridiculous with his arithmetic.
1.7 And JIBBLE didst see that his children had outgrown him so in a fit of pique rained down a plague of hernias for the menfolk and a plague of frying pans for the other ones with the interesting bumpy bits, and for those that neither knew there part in the grand scheme he/she/it didst send down a plague of boiled sweets just in case they got bored and started pulling the lupins out of their arses and started screwing each other instead.
1.8 JIBBLEISM: The TEN Things to be aware of…
1. Thou shalt not discuss Garlic Mayonnaise during times of eating.
2. Thou shalt have Hang-Glider lessons just in case that Hang-Gliders are invented anytime soon.
3. Thou shalt make animal noises whenever engaging in premarital sexual intercourse with beings from other dimensions.
4. Thou shalt never wear blue t-shirts on Tuesday afternoons, between the hours of 3pm and 4pm.
5. Transvestites shall make the best pottery class teachers.
6. Thou shalt consume Owls if they continually keep you awake with their infernal hooting!
7. Breakfast should involve a lot more breaking of things.
8. Scratch number 2, I’ve just been informed that you’ve already invented Hang-Gliders.
9. Trifle is the work of the ANTI-JIBBLE.
10. If you ever see anyone wearing a Mickey Mouse hat you are entitled to break their legs.
1.9 And it didst come to pass that the creatures of the WERBOSPHERE didst become aware of the other WERBOSPHERES and their much trendier deities, many creatures began to worship these other deities.
So JIBBLE got right upset and sent his highly trained Indigo Shadow-Boxing Elite Task Force in to give them a clout aroundst the ears, noses and throat canals.
1.10 After a while JIBBLE got really fed up with watching his creations, so he had them mutilate CLYDE with bicycle chains so that he could get him back up onto the JIBBLE MOTHERSHIP, then JIBBLE didst retire to a Caribbean Island and spent the rest of eternity slurping squishy fruit drinks and spanking small furry rodents that had escaped his previous tirade.
Life was good for JIBBLE and he didst invent many sexual positions with his Uncle LOB-SIDE-WINDYFACE. And he allowed his creations to venture out into the great WERBOSPHERE CONGLOMERATE whereby they formed a Galactic Council and made provisions for Cycle Paths, Psychopaths and Secular Cultists.
Here endeth the ‘THIRST LESSON!’